You’re broken. Lets start there. Whatever it is that happened or was done tore deep into the core of you and came out on the other side, leaving an emotional wound the size of a canyon on your soul.
The memory of it makes you cringe in shame, flare with anger and rage, sober with depression, the thoughts of how different it could all have been are endlessly on your mind, and you wish daily that it were possible to undo it in some magical way.
It’s hard to go past certain places, do certain things, meet certain people in the aftermath of what happened, so you don’t. Instead, you’ve tried to create a new world for yourself over the ruins of the old that you can’t seem to get past, and for a while, that has worked. For a while it has seemed perfect.
But, you’re broken. And the hurt isn’t going away.
Life coaches, religious leaders and motivational speakers will tell you that you must go on, they will inspire you with great ideas about growth, destiny, development and how all that you have gone through is supposed to make you better, teach you more, strengthen your spirit, deepen your wisdom and give you a great perspective on life. They will point to the future you and tell you how that will be the most beautiful person to encounter after all this is done and the lessons are learned.
And of course they are right about how this will refine you and make you better in future. But today, that feels like a long way away. You’re still broken and hurt! Do they not see what you must go through now?
I believe in the power of experience to grow all sentient beings in leaps and bounds, and in the necessity of negativity to groom the evolving individual, but I also believe that to a great degree we have misunderstood the concept of courage and strength. It isn’t the absence of fear or other emotions in the spectrum, nor is it the belittling of life’s challenges, it is the little flame that perseveres through the icy blizzards that comes unexpectedly, and comes even when you didn’t deserve it.
And that’s okay.
Pretending to be okay, will not make you okay. Letting life happen one day at a time, with the issues that it comes with, with the pain, fear, confusion and more that come in tow, will give you an opinion of your own, one that’s original and earned and trusted and true to you. Live through, let your emotions breathe, and be original. You will be better tomorrow, but today you are broken, and that’s really that’s okay.