Evolution.

Give sorrow words. I’m not sure what author chose such a haunting title for her book, but I do remember reading it in glimpses as a young boy, actually I mostly skimmed the pages, looking for the juicy bits that contained scenes of car chases, espionage, gun fire and maybe the erotic, mostly because I found it impossible to believe that anyone would place a picture of a mostly nude woman under thin sheets on the cover of a book if they were not offering at least one of these things and so, in the same way that Dead Prez caught the attention of a whole generation with the opening scene of the video for their song ‘Hip Hop’ in the early days of the new century, my attention was caught, and I followed the story of a lonely woman who disclosed her faults and the cheap social plaster she attempted to mask them with..sex, drugs, alcohol, the usual cocktail. Why do I I begin here after months of silence from the pen and the person beyond it? *shrug* Don’t we all give what sorrow we are willing to admit words, in some way or the other?

Every time I blog (well, I wouldn’t deign to describe what I do as blogging, lest the ‘serious bloggers’ take offence..*eye roll*) I seem to be standing at some crossroads in my evolution where, as another author put it ‘I always almost die’…okay, maybe it’s a lot less grave than that in truth, but who’s innocent of a teeny bit of exaggeration?

So far in the story, I have learned much about life, myself, and friendship. Mostly about friendship and myself, life seems to happen with no interest in teaching me s**t, cheeky sod that it is, and if you’re not already back to your life and ignoring this, I will share a few with you.

I have learned that there is no accurate way to predict the outcome of things and it seems to me that you determinedly attempt to do so, the cleverer life gets at tossing the most capable obstacles into your way, not as much to teach you any solid life lessons, as much as to just lord it over you, rather like a chubby, frizzy-haired old man grinning good-naturedly as you lie on the floor, groaning and rubbing your shin in pain after you ran full-tilt into the outstretched foot he placed in your path. Does that mean I’ll stop planning every step though? Nope. Does that make make me foolish? Aren’t we all?

I have also learned that friends aren’t the people who do the most to keep you happy, they are the ones who do the most to keep you BOTH happy, because honestly, the predominant human drive in my experience usually turns out to be self preservation, and to tell me that you would give up your life to see ME happy would not only be a little cheesy, it would also be faintly reminiscent of the leftover teachings of the religious extremists that have tainted just about every major organized religion on earth. Who are my friends? They are the strangest people, it has turned out, from those who would swallow their pride and apologize (when they are wrong, mind you..smh) to those who will insist I make time for them in my sometimes unbelievable schedule because they feel they deserve it. Your friends? Those are the people you don’t want to one, Lord knows the are too few these days.

In closing, most importantly, I think I have learned that a man is nothing but red-colored water, bones held together by fragile skin, a lot of emotions and will-power at the end of the day, and that if he can not abide by the words he speaks, he is just a tangle of emotions and fluid. I haven’t been the man I would be proud to look behind myself and see, but as has been taught from the first day to me; every day is a chance to be great. So I will try. And if I fail in the future I will try again. And again. And again, until I reach such a place, utopian though it may seem, as from whose vantage point I can gaze down at what I have made of myself and my life and feel as though it amounted to something, no matter how small, so help me God.

“Be the person in reality that you dream of, one day at a time.”

“Hope springs eternal.”

“Purpose over pleasure, grind over self.”

God bless and keep us all. Peace.